Things to Remember as a Dog

Things To Remember As A Dog
Author Unknown

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.


3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.


4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.


5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.


6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.


7. I will not throw up in the car.


8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.


9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.


10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.


11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.


12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.


13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.


14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.


15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.


16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.


17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.


18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.


19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.


20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.