Things to Remember as a Dog
Things To Remember As A Dog
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
- I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
- I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
- "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.
- I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
- We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
- I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.